雅思写作高分范文及解析-教育类-品德教育谁负责?

对于雅思写作中出现频率极高的教育类话题,大家必须多加练习才能应对自如。今天我们继续来学习一篇教育类大作文范文的高分之处。

 

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

 

构思过程:题目问孩子的品德教育应该由家长还是由学校负责,典型的both sides讨论,两方面观点都要说,按照逻辑顺序先说家里父母的职责,再扩展到校园对孩子的影响,最后得出我们的观点是:教育孩子人人有责!

 

第一段:Introduction

A child’s education has never been about learning information and basic skills only. (首句用不完全否定引出话题,更耐人寻味,注意never和完成时的使用)It has always included teaching the next generation how to be good members of society(可数名词不裸奔;include用词准确). Therefore, this cannot be the responsibility of the parents alone.(再次用部分否定提出观点,准确而又简洁,过渡到家长的话题)

 

第二段 家长的职责所在

In order to be a good member of any society, the individual (前后冠词运用准确)must respect and obey the rules (动词搭配准确)of their community and share their values (“三观要正”,高分搭配). Educating (teaching同义词替换)children to understand the need to obey rules and respect others always begins in the home and is widely thought to the responsibility of parents(“广泛认为”,线性推理最后才出现家长这个词,吊足考官胃口,论证充分). They will certainly be the first to help children learn what is important in life, how they are expected to behave and what role they will play in their world (三个并列的宾语从句,语意完整语序准确).

 

第三段 学校的作用

However, learning to understand and share the value system of a whole society (同义改写,society替换community, value system替换values)cannot be achieved just in the home(转折过渡句,动名词作主语,learn in the home替换taught by parents). Once (“一旦”,替换if和when,强调立刻)a child goes to school, they are entering a wilder community where teachers and peers will have just as much influence as their parents do at home(where从句里as…as无痕迹表达对比). At school, children will experience working and living with people from a whole variety of(搭配生动) backgrounds from the wider society. This experience should teach them how to cooperate with each other and how to contribute to the life of their community (动词词汇多样).

 

第四段 总结个人观点

But to be a valuable member of any community is not like learning a simple skill(动词形态准确). It is something that an individual goes on learning throughout life and it is the responsibility of every member of a society to take responsibility for helping the younger generation(替换children) to become active and able members(多样词汇替换good member)of that society (在线性推理中用强调句结尾,观点明确,动词搭配准确).

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