雅思写作-考官自写9分范文解析-现代人变得更独立还是更相互依赖?

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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.
 Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

 

思路分析:

题目是典型的discuss+opinion,两面都要讨论再提出自己的意见。该范文考官个人采用了倾向于更独立的观点,所以先把让步段留给dependent,再说independent,论证方式以常见的举例和线性推理为主,必须要注意的是开头和结尾都清晰地说明了自己的观点。

 

People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past. (和过去对比,people were成分使用准确)

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. (考官的9分结构其实很简单,重要的是内容观点十分充分)Firstly, life is more complex and difficult(词汇量), especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever, and without help it would be impossible (双否强调观点)for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage(词汇量). Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious(有野心,高分词) nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.

However, I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed(分散的,高分词), which means that people cannot count on (同义搭配替换)relatives as much as they used to(和过去对比). We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example, many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university, and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone (As使用准确). Another factor in this growing independence is technology, which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world. (本段采用also和another无痕迹过渡,与前一段的firstly结构产生对比变化)

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more(同义替换,词性切换准确), my own view is that we are more independent than ever(地道对比,总结观点掷地有声).

 

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