雅思写作高分范文解析-父爱母爱的重要性-精妙满分结构

A类大作文里有很多看似简单的题目需要我们思考挖掘答题的切入点,由浅入深地进行逻辑论述,才能在task response上拿到高分。今天墨尔本文波雅思就为大家详细解析这样一篇满分范文,希望大家都能学到其中的精妙之处。

 

Some people think that fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

构思过程

答案很明显是父亲母亲都重要,看似简单却需要大家找到题目的侧重点——emphasise fatherhood。这种答案貌似显而易见的常识题,如果单纯两面分析父亲有什么作用母亲有什么作用,最后总结两个都重要,未尝不可,但往往会写得平淡无奇没有深度从而难以拓展和讨论。这篇满分结构采用更深层的逻辑论述方法,从父母“职责”的概念入手,以父亲工作忙孩子常缺少父爱为切入点,探知题目背后父爱需要被‘emphasised’的真正原因,行文由浅入深丝丝入扣,先说明基本要做到的,再谈可以改善的,最后承认理想和现实的差距,重申两个都重要的观点。

 

第一段 Introduction

I believe that child-rearing(词汇多样)should be the responsibility of both parents and that, while the roles within that partnership may be different (让步条件插入), they are equal in importance (观点明确). In some societies, it has been made easier over the years for single parents to raise children on their own (再让步说明单亲关系). However, (直接转折再强调论点)this does not mean that the traditional family, with both parents providing emotional support and role-models for their children (插入伴随状语), is not the most satisfactory way of bringing up children. (双否定强调观点,句式多样。整体词汇替换多样)

 

第二段 解释父母基本的职责

Of crucial importance(前置强调), in my opinion(简单插入语丰富句式), is how we define “responsible for bringing the children up”. At its simplest, it could mean giving the financial support necessary to provide a home, food and clothes and making sure the child is safe and receives an adequate education (连续doing列举说明). This would be the basic definition.

 

第三段 说明父亲可以做得更多

There is, however (时刻不忘插入语), another possible way of defining that part of the question. That would be to say that (指代准确)it is not just the fathers’ responsibility to provide the basics for his children, while his wife is busy with the everyday activity of bringing them up. Rather(转折多样), he should share these daily duties, spend as much time as his job allows with his children, play with them, read to them, help directly with their education, anticipate fully in their lives and encourage them to share his (继续连续举例论证,论述充分).

 

第四段 解释父爱需要被强调的原因,回归都重要的论点

It is this second, fuller, concepts of “fatherhood” that I am in favour of(强调句开头,句式多样,搭配准确), although I also realise how difficult it is to achieve sometimes. Therefore, equality in parenting roles(观点) may remain for many(客观准确) a desirable ideal rather than an achievable reality.(用词多样准确)

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