考官最新9分范文逐句深度讲解-论独居的利弊

在最近的雅思写作考试中,与社会生活相关的抽象类话题已经晋升为仅次于教育类的热门考点,也是复习准备的难点。今天墨尔本文波雅思为大家逐句解析一篇最新考官自写的9分范文,内容是关于独居好处和坏处的讨论,清晰展现构思过程及每个评分标准的拿分点。

 

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

 

构思过程:

独居,也就是一个人生活,显然有利有弊,如果选择一边倒观点显然都站不住脚,很难论证,需要分开讨论平均用力。主体段一段写好处,一段写坏处。抽象类话题往往在寻找观点上比较困难或者没有方向,建议大家按照文波雅思教授的方法分类提取观点。本篇考官分别从个人和经济的角度出发,层次分明论证清晰,值得大家学习。

 

 

Introduction

 

1)背景导入,说尤其在发达国家的大城市,最近几年独居变得更为常见。

In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone, particularly in large cities in the developed world.

(句型结构:It + adj. + for sb. to do sth. + 后置状语补充,注意完成时has become;注意particularly的用法,举特例方便直接,类似especially但语气更强; in the developed world比in developed countries更地道;far more修饰normal代入感强)

 

2)观点句,我认为这个趋势的影响好坏各半。

In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.

(句型结构:简单句+后置状语;虚拟语气could have;consequences高分词;in equal measure高分搭配)

 

 

Main Paragraphs 1

 

1)段首概括,一个人住在个人和宏观经济上都有好处。

The rise in one-person households can be seen as positive for both personal and broader economic reasons.

(句型结构:被动+后置状语并列;主语the rise in one-person households替换more people choose to live alone,地道高分搭配准确;seen as语法得分点;personal & broader economic词汇得分点)

 

2)分论点1:个人层面上,独居的人可能变得比和家人一起住的人更独立自强(常见观点)

On an individual level, people who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members.

(句型结构:前置状语+主语who从句+谓语比较级+宾语who从句,高分复合句;self-reliant高分词,展示词汇量)

 

3)举例论证+线性推理展开:独居年轻人需要学做饭,做家务,付账单,管账等重要的生活技能;这样的人增加了就是种正面的发展

A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills; an increase in the number of such individuals can certainly be seen as a positive development.

(句型结构:主语从句+插入语+不定式并列+宾语all of which从句;简单分句+被动;valuable得分词;an increase语法得分点;such individuals指代准确,语法和词汇得分点)

 

4)分论点2:经济角度上看,独居的趋势会导致住房需求增加(加分观点)

From an economic perspective, the trend towards living alone will result in greater demand for housing.

(句型结构:前置状语+后置定语+简单句;trend towards living搭配准确,词汇和语法得分点;result in学术搭配,词汇得分点;demand for housing词汇得分点)

 

5) 举例说明展开:这样会让建筑公司,房产中介和其它依赖业主购买产品的公司获益。

This is likely to benefit the construction industry, estate agents and a whole host of other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products or services.

(句型结构:简单句+宾语并列+宾语that从句;likely to benefit学术搭配,词汇得分点;construction industry & estate agents展示词汇量;rely on homeowners词汇得分点)

 

 

Main Paragraph 2

 

1)段首概括:上述个人和经济的论点可以反向考虑;(简介易懂,挂钩前文暗含对比,CC满分技巧)

However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle.

(句型结构:转折+简单句被动;given above非谓语修饰,语法得分点;be considered from学术搭配,词汇语法得分点;the opposite angle词汇得分点)

 

2)分论点1:和独立的好处相比,独居的人会感觉孤独、隔离和不安(常见观点)

Firstly, rather than the positive feeling of increased independence, people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry.

(句型结构:前置状语+主语从句+宾语并列;rather than无痕迹对比,语法和CC得分点;loneliness & isolation高分词)

 

3)举例对比+论证展开:他们错过了家人或室友提供的对话和支持,还要承担过重的家庭账单和职责;这样来说,这个趋势就是负面的

They miss out on the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one.

(句型结构:简单句并列+宾语从句+简单分句;miss out on地道搭配;emotional support, daily conversation & flatmates词汇加分点;bear the weight of高分搭配,词汇得分点;a negative one指代准确避免重复,语法得分点)

 

4)分论点2:从经济角度来说,住房需求增加会推高房价和租金(加分观点)

Secondly, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents.

(句式结构:前置状语+简单句;the financial point of view替换an economic perspective;likely to push up学术搭配;property prices & rents词汇得分点)

 

5)对比论证+说明展开:虽然让企业获益,但大众包括独居的人都要面临更高的居住成本

While this may benefit some businesses, the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.

(句式结构:让步句+插入语补充+被动;be faced with地道搭配;rising living costs词汇得分点)

 

 

Conclusion

 

1)一句话总结:独居增加对个人和经济影响有好有坏

In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.

(句式结构:总结+简单句+宾补;detrimental不利的,高分词,beneficial & detrimental替换positive & negative;两个on介词短语并列,语法得分点)

 

 

TR: 两面观点完整回答问题,分论点详实有深度,首尾段观点总结到位,9分

CC: 全篇结构清晰,整齐,行文连接通顺,易于理解,没有明显模板痕迹,9分

LR: 词汇非常多样,同义替换到位,搭配地道准确,9分

GA: 句型多变,复合句实用灵活,没有语法错误,9分

 

(13 sentences, 306 words, band 9)

 

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